Tomorrow it Starts

Tomorrow the chemo starts.  I spent most of the day at the cancer centre with blood work and a visit to the oncologist.  Again, he told me that the next six months are going to be a very difficult time in my life.  (I don't think that he realizes that I have so many people praying for me ... and that will make a huge difference in my bodies reactions to the chemo).   I have decided that it will be OK.  If I get sick it will be a reminder to me that the cancer is dying and for me to be healthy the cancer must die.  My friend sent me a Bible verse that is quite appropriate right now ... "

John 14:27 ...." Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

God promises us peace, and when our heart is troubled and overwhelmed with fear, be wants to take it all away. What a blessing!"   Let us all have peace! Blessings to all.

All in My Head ....

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes. "  Charles Swindoll  

The oncologist has told me that it will be 6 months of chemo and that it will not be a lot of fun.  I am fortunate that I live so close to one of the most progressive and best cancer treatment centers in the world. It is unbelievable that 40% of Canadian women and 45% of Canadian men will get cancer in their lifetime. It is striking how huge that is ... almost 1/2 of the Canadian population will get cancer in their lifetime.  I was reading last night and came across a statement that goes something like .... "It is not the events in our life that make us who we are but how we deal with those events that make us who we are." I am determined to face this 'speed bump' in my life with a positive attitude and not let my fears get the best of me.  At first, I was so overwhelmed by the diagnosis that all I wanted to handle was the basic information ... like where is my appointment and who is it with or where can I park for free.  Now I have so many questions floating around in my head ... there is so much to know and this all seems to be happening so fast.  The cancer education class at the cancer centre was wonderful.  It gave me lots information that has stuck in my head ... like don't lose too much weight because if you are underweight you body will not have the energy to fight the cancer and exercising 30 minutes a day will increase your chance of survival by 50%. I also learned that the feelings I am having are normal!   It is Ok to learn more now that I  know not everything I learn will be scary.  I feel better prepared to find out the information that I need. 

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

I pray that the Lord will give my family the strength and wisdom that we need.

Life's Journey

“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.” Mother Teresa

(http://thinkexist.com/quotation/)

I admit it ... I am one of the biggest babies on the planet. I am sad so I cry.  I am worried so I cry.  I am distress so I cry. I am happy so I cry. I am overwhelmed so I cry.  And in the few weeks, my emotions have gone crazy and I have done a lot of crying.  God believes that I can handle this and so I must also believe that I will have the strength to persevere. It is through my faith and support from the people around me that I know this will be OK.  I am amazed at how God is putting the right people in the right place to say and do the right thing ... Thank you!   It has not taken me long to realize that I am married to "Man of the Year" and have the best family and friends in the world.

 

My turning point was to come to the realization that this is part of my life's journey.  My cancer is treatable and if it is God's will that I go through this then it is being done to glorify God.  In all that I do I will glorify God.  He is the maker of the universe and the source of  life and love.  God is in control and knows the outcome of everything.  He is taking care of us even when we are unaware of His presence.

  

God has answered many of my prayers and spared my life many times over.  In the accident, one year ago, God actually spoke to me and said, "You and your family are going to be OK".  I have held onto that promise and it has helped me through this past year.  It will continue to give me personal reassurance.  There is a common saying that it takes pressure to make a diamond.  So I would expect by my birthday next year, I should be one sparkling diamond. :)

 “What then shall we say to [all] this? If God is for us, who [can be] against us? [Who can be our foe, if God is on our side?] He who did not withhold or spare [even] His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all [other] things?” (Romans 8:31-32 Amplified)

Yesterday, in church the speaker said something that stuck with me .... 'It is our spiritual gifts that allow us to do God's work but our spirituality that keeps us humble'.  Right now, I am feeling very very humble.  My eyes are looking up and my heart is open, "Please Lord, let Your will be done, fill me with Your spirit and give me and those who love me the strength that we need to get through this. Amen”.

 

Ode to Love

I cry and you hold me.
I can't sleep and you read to me.
I am frustrated and you comfort me.
I am sad and you give me hope.
I am stressed and you deal with it for me.
I am alone and you find me.


We live, we laugh, we love and we grow together

Love is patient, love is kind and I finally understand.

Thank you.

My Experience .... so far ....

  What? How? Why? This does not make sense ... how can I have breast cancer? No one in my family has had breast cancer ... I don't drink ... I don't smoke ... I avoid sugar ... I love eating vegetables ... The doctor is crying ... this can't be good.  Now I am crying.

  One week prior I had a biopsy or rather 4 biopsies and now finally, after a week that seemed an eternity, I was dealt the news.

 Six days after the official diagnosis, I met with the surgeon who gave me my own personal action plan:
  1.  Chemo: 3 to 6 months
  2. Surgery: Total masectomy and all lymph nodes removed
  3. Chemo
  4. Radiation

  I feel better knowing what the future holds.  But Wow! I have come to the realization that this is not going to be a lot of fun.

  My solace in all of this have been my wonderful family and friends that have come to me with support and love.  I can do this.  I will do this.  God is with me.  My family and friends are wonderful.  It will be OK.



  This blog is an attempt to capture my experience and feelings about dealing with breast cancer.  It is not meant for medical advice but only to share what I am going through.