Pebbles ....

I have figured it out. The reason that I am still lacking in energy is because my blood counts are still low. I continue to nap every day and have taken Friday's off work until the end of August. Still working half days. So grateful that I have a job and wonderful people to work with.

During treatment this past week, I was sitting in a chair across from an older lady who told me that God was dropping pebbles on her head so that her doctor would find the cancer in her lung.  She was not a smoker.  Why would she have lung cancer? First she fell and hurt her ribs. She was on holidays with her husband in Arizona and being stubborn she had not gone to the doctor because "they don't do anything for ribs anyway".  A week later she hurt her wrist. This time she went in to see a doctor and got sent for x-rays on both her wrist and ribs. They saw something strange in her right lung and so she was put onto antibiotics. Tens days later it still looked strange. Her doctor told her to go home to Canada and begin treatment. The good news it that because of the 'pebbles' being dropped on her head her cancer was caught really early. Her right lung was removed but she was going to  be fine. 

“The LORD himself watches over you! The LORD stands beside you as your protective shade. "  
Psalm 121:5

As I ponder the pebbles that God has dropped on my head, I can not help thinking about this recent news story ....

"A drunk man passed out on some train tracks in British Columbia Sunday night and didn't wake up until after 26 cars of the train had rumbled over him, CBC News reported.

Miraculously, he survived without a scratch, a stroke of luck police chalked up to his small stature and his incredibly drunk state."  http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/weird/NATL-Drunk-Man-Run-Over-Train-Emerges-Unscathed-26-Cars-153210895.html

Hopefully, this event on  his life will be a wake up call.  It is actually more of a bolder that was dropped on his head rather than a pebble.

I think my pebble was my mom calling me about a month prior to me actually going for a doctor appointment and talking about all her neighbor ladies that were dying of breast cancer ...  I should have run to the doctor the next day.

I am so grateful that God watches over us and for the messages that God tries to get across to us. May we all be open to hearing these messages. 

 

Whisper a Prayer ...

"Whisper a prayer in the morning,
whisper a prayer at noon,
whisper a prayer in the evening to keep your heart in tune"


This familiar Sabbath school song is one of my favorites. I  whisper prayers. Every time and anytime I have a concern or worry, I have learned to put it into God's hands. Even the smallest quietest prayer is heard.

On Friday morning, I was facing the dilemma of traveling to Edmonton (almost a 3 hour drive) on wet and slushy roads. So I whispered a quiet and simple prayer.   "Dear Lord, Please, let me drive on dry and bare roads this weekend. In Jesus' name Amen" Even though the forecast disagreed with my request,  I still prayed.  As I went through my morning routine I consoled myself that I would be able to drive my husbands very large 4x4 truck if I needed to.  At about 11:30 I laid down to sleep for a couple hours and when I awoke, it was no longer raining.  I packed up the car and left at 3:00 pm. The highlight in this is that I did drive all the way to and back from Edmonton on bare and dry roads.   Somehow the forecast was wrong. It is wonderful when we see clear answers to our prayers.  God is good! God remembers us! Praise the Lord for my amazing weekend and allowing me to have some fun along with safe travels!

"But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." Psalms 86:15 NIV

We are so blessed by God's compassion and love.

Henny-Penny

Spring is here again. It has been just over one year since I was first diagnosed with cancer and exactly one year since I started blogging. Where has time gone? I am back at teaching at our local community college. This week I worked four half days and I love it. After I am done, I come home and nap. (Napping is still one of my favorite activities.) I knew that I had always liked my job but after not being able to work for two years I have a new appreciation for being able to do what I do.  I also am blessed that I work with such positive and wonderful people.  I am still undergoing treatments at the cancer hospital every three weeks. This week was treatment number 12 … only 5 more to go.  Thank you dear sweet Carol for coming with me. I sincerely appreciate the wonderful visit and the distraction from my treatment.

After being through the last year, it is difficult not to feel a twinge of panic when I get strange pains.  Over the past while I have become aware of the need to avoid the 'Henny-Penny' syndrome. This is where I run around crying 'the sky is falling, the sky is falling' when it is just an acorn that hit my head!   My bladder bothered me for weeks until my family doctor told me that it is probably stressed and that I should be drinking cranberry juice everyday. That was a very easy fix. My legs have been achy since my last aggressive chemo regime so I came to question my doctor about bone cancer.  She said that they could do another bone scan however she did not want to put my body through any unnecessary stress unless the pain began to increase. Fortunately, somewhere on the web a breast cancer patient blogged that her legs had ached for 18 months past her last chemo. Whew, thank you for sharing!!  At this point I needed to remind myself that God is in control and that my worries do no good.

With the Lords guidance, I came across the following prayer written by Stormie Omartian in her book, The Power of a Praying Woman:

“Lord, I put my future in Your hands and ask that You would give me total peace about it. I don’t want to be trying to secure my future with my own plans. I want to be in the center of Your plans, knowing that You have given me everything I need for what is ahead. I pray You would give me strength to endure without giving up. You have said that “he who endures to the end will be saved” (Matthew 10:22). Help me to run the race in a way that I shall finish strong and receive the prize You have for me (1 Corinthians 9:24). Help me to be always watchful in my prayers, because I don’t know when the end of my life will be (1 Peter 4:7).
I know Your thoughts toward me are of peace, to give me a future and hope (Jeremiah 29:11). I know that You have saved me and called me with a holy calling, not according to my works, but according to Your own purpose and grace (2 Timothy 1:9). Thank you, Holy Spirit, that You are always with me and will guide me on the path so that I won’t lose my way.
Move me into powerful ministry that will impact the lives of others for Your kingdom and Your glory. I humble myself under Your mighty hand, O God, knowing that you will lift me up in due time. I cast all my care upon You, knowing that You care for me and will not let me fall (1 Peter 5:6-7). I reach out for Your hand today so I can walk with You into the future You have for me.”

This beautiful prayer is my prayer and my hope. I realize that my future is totally in God’s hands and that He is in control. I wish that He guide my life that I may do what He needs me to do. I do not know direction He will take me or when my life will end but through God I will have peace and hope. It might be strange but I do not have a need to receive ‘the prize’. Perhaps this is due to my inner avoidance of attention and notoriety. However, I do wish with God’s help to run the race the best to my ability.

I want to celebrate life and give the world a big hug because I have been given a second chance. Thank you and praise the Lord for all the love and life He has given each one of us.

PS. This picture was taken today by my sister near Portland, Oregon in her friends yard. I am currently surrounded by snow. :)

On the Upswing....

 "I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds," says the Lord. Jeremiah 30:17

Life is good. The smile on my face is getting bigger because there is a spring in my step. I am still healing but it is amazing to be alive and feel well enough to even join friends for lunch. I recently posted a picture of myself on Facebook. My sister posted that it brought tears to her eyes. I told her, "No Tears! I am high on life and so very happy".  I have been given a second chance and I am going to take it with my arms wide open. :)

Last October, I booked a trip to Hawaii using saved up Airmiles. I had no idea about my radiation schedule at that time. Somehow the time slot that worked also coincided with me feeling good enough to enjoy myself. A homeopath once told me, "If it is meant to be, it will be. Things always work out the way they are meant to. God is control of everything".  I believe that Hawaii is here on earth so that we can have a taste of what heaven will be like ... wonderful weather, amazing beaches and perfect blue warm ocean water ... and I am so blessed that my family and I were able to spend a week on the Big Island of Hawaii. I  spent some time in the water floating on the waves and even did some swimming strokes with my arms. To my amazement they worked ... :) It was so much fun to see my boys playing in the ocean and awe inspiring to stand beside a huge volcano crater.  God is so good!
Seven weeks past my radiation and I am feeling well enough to focus on my physio exercises to try and get my arms working again. I encourage everyone to make the most of what we all have been given. And one of my wise oncologists told me, "Do what makes you happy". She also prescribed yoga ... that should be fun. I do love stretching.

Psalms 107:1 "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever."

Almost there ...

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever." Psalms 136:1

I will sing praises for the rest of my days about the Christmas 2011 and New Year 2012 weather. The roads were amazing and so my trips into radiation were uneventful and smooth.  In fact, January 4, 2012 was the warmest January 4 in 98 years. (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/story/2012/01/04/calgary-record-breaking-weather.html) I even started wearing my running shoes because there was no snow or ice to worry about. On the second last day of radiation, I emerged from the house at about 8:20 am to start the truck and stopped stunned and in total awe of the beautiful sunrise. The air was warm and calm. It was like God had created a perfect moment to worship him. Everything that is good comes from God.  Thank you Lord for giving me moments to remember that you are God and are all around us protecting, guiding and taking care of us.

No worries about global warming though because less than a week after I was done my daily drives, school was canceled because of a -39 degree Celsius forecast.  We  now have snow and are in a winter deep freeze. God knew that I did not need extra stress of driving and so was taking care of me.

Warning adult content: you may wish to skip the following 3 paragraphs if you do not have a strong stomach.

Please, do not feel sorry for me.  This is something that most radiation patients go through.  I am only giving the experience a voice so that others may understand the experience a little better.  And maybe someone may be inspired to create a new a better treatment.  I am sure that in 5 to 10 years people will look back and just shake their heads at what cancer patients had to endure in 2012.

John 14:16 "And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever."  Praise the Lord for the 'Helper' that I have been given to get through this.

Going to radiation treatments became work! Alas, naps have become my best friend. Radiation did not make me ill except that sometimes I had and still have a metallic taste in my mouth and have lost my appetite (minor details compared to chemo). Now 9 days after my radiations were complete, I take my hat off to anyone who has gone through radiation and have invented a new word ... clumping ... it describes what radiated skin does at it leaves the body ... a sunburned person would peel but the word peeling just does not do justice to what my skin is doing.  Bubbling, blistering, oozing and just looking painfully disgusting.  It has sort of a raw hamburger appearance.  So across my chest and under my armpits I have radiation burns in all of its glory.  Every morning and evening I change my dressings.  I wash off the left over cream (Glaxal Base) in the shower and then gently use a cotton swab to remove anything that is left on my skin.  I then paint on a thick layer of Glaxal Base cream onto which I apply a layer of gauze.  Under each armpit I put a clean maxi-pad because they have a little more structure to them and so seem to stay in place better than the gauze. I am taking prescription pain killers. I tried to do it without them but found myself sucked into a vortex of pain and agony that I was not handling well. The nurse who administered my herspetin at the Tom Baker yesterday evening gave me the ever repeated talk on germs and staying away from them.  She also apologized over and over again for having to touch my skin (in order to access my port-o-cath) but there was nothing else she could do.  I am so grateful that my husband was able to drive me in for my appointment.

Earlier this week my Aunty Fern emailed me a verse from Lamentations  3: 22 & 23.  "The Lord's unfailing love and mercy still continue fresh as the morning, as sure as the sunrise." I am not sure, if she knew but this verse has given me the strength to get through this last bit of my treatments.  Just to know that each morning as I looked in the mirror at my skin that God's love was being renewed in me. He again was giving me the strength to get through.  I can not help but to juxtapose my cancer experience to that described in Lamentations.  The city of Jerusalem was under the siege of Babylon  and had been reduced to rubble and burned along with the temple. Jeremiah tearfully describes the funeral of this once great city. In God, Jeremiah finds hope and comfort.    I pray that like Jerusalem, I will put this experience behind me and rebuild.

Happy to New Year!! And many blessings to all. :)