"Never say Never"

 Life has handed me a plate of new experiences.  I have always had a stubborn streak ... one that allowed myself to say " I will never ...".  All I can say is that cancer has changed things.  Here are a some things that come to mind ...

• Tattoos ... no choice because they are needed for radiation mapping.
• Boob job .... still thinking on this one
• Stuffing my bra ... Yes ... I admit it! It helps me to camouflage the extent of my experience. 
• Dependent vs. independent ... Just give up ... take help whenever it is offered.  There are lots of things that I needed help with whether I admitted it or not
• White gloves ... they worked ... and so kept germs away
• Wear a wig ... this is funny ... so not 'me' until now ... who am I anyway?
• Toss the wig off ... if it gets too itchy or hot pull it off and go commando
• Embrace the baldness ... it feels awesome!
• Draw on eyebrows ... because it really is fun!
• Look forward to a boy haircut ... can't wait until my hair is long enough for one.
• Primping ... hours of it. Really! It helps soften the side effects of my treatments ... self care from cuticles to mouth care to eyes ... it sometimes feels like it will never end ... I do have really soft skin. :)
• Me 1st ... Wow!! Wave the white flag ... I had to be physically beaten down but I finally did figure out that if I did not put myself first I was not going to get better.  Cancer forces one to be self centered.  (which is very OK.)
• 'Stuck up' and it is OK... positive happy people are the ones who I wish to be around me.
• Cry anytime and anywhere ... It is important to just let it out!
• Talk to my cancer .... "Get out of my body cancer!You are not welcome!
• 'Let it go' ... if it is meant to be then it will be ...

Radiation is scheduled to start at the end of the week.  And as my dear Aunty Fern said to me ... Worry about nothing.  Pray with thanksgiving. Make you request known to God.  "And the peace of God which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

Additions:

• December 12 - Today I was instructed by the Radiation Tech that I need to spend at least an hour a day topless.  Air is good from my skin. So during radiation, I will be strolling around the house topless.   Please, call if you plan a visit. :)

Pathology Report!

Smiles and hugs to all!  This is better than I dreamed.  When people asked me when my pathology report was going to be done, I would jokingly say .... they are taking so long because they can't find any cancer.  I did not realize how close to the truth I really was. :)  This is the email that I sent out last night ...

"The surgeon called me tonight.  He said that the reason the pathology report
took so long was because they had trouble finding any cancer.  They did find
some micro-deposits where the tumours had been but he says that the cancer
is beat. Five of the 24 lymph nodes that were removed had had cancer in them
but it was dead.  He also said that it is very rare to see such positive
results to chemo treatments. I might not even need radiation!  Praise the
Lord! God is good!!"

"Rejoice evermore.
Pray without ceasing.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
1Thessalonians 5:16 - 18
 

May everyone have a wonderful weekend! :)

Resilience!

3 weeks and 6 days post surgery and I see a glimmer of how wonderful life can be.  Resilience ... I praise the Lord for resilience ... for the ability to go through trials and 'bounce back' with a spring in my step. My plan is to focus on getting well and enjoy life.   It is amazing how the Lord has created our bodies so that they can be resilient and heal.  For the first few days after surgery I could not even shower myself.  Imagine the joy in my heart when I discovered that I could shower without asking my husband to help me.  Independence is such a blessing.  On Monday I was amazed because I actually felt well. This past Friday, a kind pastor came to visit me.  Before she left she prayed that God would continue my healing and bless me.  Friday night was the first night since surgery that I have slept without pain or pain killers.  It was amazing.  Since then I have discovered that I can sleep on my side.  Again ... it is amazing!! This experience has made me truly grateful for the small things (like even being able to reach for a glass in the cupboard) and very grateful for the kindness in the hearts of my family and friends who have stepped up to help me. May God bless you all!

Like King David, I know with whom the praise for a victory lies.

Psalms 44 : 4 - 8 You are my King and my God, ....
⁶ I put no trust in my bow,
   my sword does not bring me victory;
⁷ but You give us victory over our enemies,
   You put our adversaries to shame.
⁸ In God we make our boast all day long,
   and we will praise your name forever.

One week ago I started doing my walks, again. Yesterday, I was up to 2 walks.  As I stroll, I am in awe of the beauty that God has put all around me.  Even with the change of seasons, I enjoy seeing the snow on the mountain tops.

The pathology report is not done, yet.  I am not anxious about it because I have decided that with the Lord's help I am going to finish well.

God is good!  I will continue resting and getting well.  I embrace this time of growth and accept Divine healing.