New Beginnings ...

I want to let everyone know that surgery went very well.  The surgeon said that he could not have imagined that the surgery would have gone as well as it did.  His comment made me smile because I know that God was with us in the operating room.  I am so happy because I am feeling so blessed and things are going in the right dirrection.  Praise the Lord!  God is good!!

Here is a link to a You Tube video that reminds us all that God is with us always. :)

Rascal Flatts - I Won't Let Go

God Bless you all!!

Update .... October 6, 2011

I have such good news!! My cancer has responded very well to the chemotherapy and statistically this makes my prognosis and chances of survival very very good.  We will find out more from the pathology report after my surgery.
So much has happened in the past week. My current goal is to focus on the next step in my journey ... the surgery.
1. Last DOC chemo treatment was cancelled due to complications that the drug was causing.
2. Chemo one week ago consisted of Herseptin.  I will continue on the Herseptin treatments for another year.
3. Surgery (full mastectomy and lymph node removal) has been moved up to be on October 14, 2011.
4. Tomorrow, October 7, I go for blood work to make sure that my blood counts are high enough for surgery.
5. Legs are currently swollen and stiff due to fluid retention. 
6. I attended an information session this morning at the Women's Health Centre to learn more about my surgery along with prevention and management of very possible side effects.

I continue to walk every day and am going to add in the arm exercises that I need to do after surgery so that they become part of my routine.  I am surrounding myself with positive thoughts and am focusing on being as healthy as possible so that I can hopefully get over as much of  the chemotherapy side effects prior to going to surgery.

The cancer experience has certainly opened my eyes to the experience of being diagnosed with a potentially terminal illness.   I however discovered that I have been so fortunate that my medical team has been very positive with me when speaking about my prognosis and that if I was ever going to have cancer I am fortunate to have the cancer that I have. As a cancer patient, I have spent a good deal of time in the Tom Baker Cancer Centre. During my treatments, I have not really connected with a lot of patients.  However, last week, while waiting for  blood work I leaned over to the bald cancer patient next to me and asked ... "so what kind of chemo are you on?".  She replied that she was currently on a 'trial' drug and that she had ovarian cancer.  Her name was Georgina. She wanted me to know that the key to survival was to have a positive attitude.  The next day when I entered the waiting area for chemo patients, there sat Georgina.  I greeted her with a smile and sat down to eyeopening conversation.  She wanted me to know the signs of ovarian cancer because her cancer had turned into stage 3 cancer very quickly.  With tears and fear in her eyes she told me that ovarian cancer patients usually only live 5 years post diagnosis. She was currently on year 3.  Georgina knows more than me ... she knows the fear of certain death... she knows what it is like to go through chemotherapy for 3 years. I only know what 6 months is like. But as a fellow cancer patient, I think that I understand.  Matthew 5:3 comes to mind. "Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Belssed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Georgina was mourning for the life that was being taken from her.

I wanted to hug her and tell her that it was going to be ok.  All I could offer her was that I would pray for her. A small but as I have learned a very powerful gesture.  As I was called in for my treatment, I wished her the best.  I truly hope that our treatments would continue to coincide.

The wisdom that I wish to leave with you today is that it is so important to pay attention to our bodies and take care of ourselves. No one else will do it. I wish you much happiness, laughter, peace, love and blessings. 

Where now??

Waiting is hard.  Right now, I am waiting for the call that will tell me if I am getting one more round of the DOC chemo or if I will be going to surgery in early October.  I am praying that God's will be done.  It is day 16 after my last chemo and I am so stiff that I hardly can move ... even my fingers are fighting me ... so I am not a huge fan of the DOC chemo ... but am willing to do whatever will give me the best chance.

I have heard whole sermons on how God needs to be number one on our list of priorities and I have always wondered 'why would we ever put God on a list of importance?'.  God is the reason that each of us exist.  He planned that I would be born less that a year after my big brother.  He wanted me to grow up in a Christian farm  family with four brothers, a sister and numerous cousins.  He picked my career ... I had too many options ... but he knew what he wanted me to do.  He chose my husband and has given me wonderful children.  He has protected me so many many times.  He has also put many kind people in my life to help me through my trials.  It is fine to make a list of what is important in your life but put it in your life book with a title that says "God's plan for me".  God is omniscient. God is everywhere.  He does not belong on a list.  I say that God should be captain of our ship or head coach on our team.  When we put him in charge, our lives can truly become what they are meant to be and everything will just fall into place.

No one ever said that life was going to be perfect and neither are people. Satan knows our weaknesses and will use them against us.  I have be struggling with chemo side effects and thinking about my impending surgery.  I had someone say some very disrespectful and mean things to me last weekend. I'm not sure why the comments made me so sad.  My family is not very close to this person and I recognize that they probably are not mentally well.

"A merry heart is [like] medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones." Proverbs 17:22

It was not until my husband said to me, "Satan knows your weakness and he is using it.  Satan does not want you to get well.  You don't do well dealing with mean people and Satan is using them to make you sad. Pray and tell God to get Satan out of your house."  What a relief ... not to know that Satan was successfully using someone to work on me but to recognize that I could do something about it. Pray and pray some more!

1 Corinthians 15:33 says ... "Evil company corrupts good habits".  I am so grateful for all the good people around me and support that I am getting.  I am also very happy that God do not expect us to be in situations with evil people especially when it makes us uncomfortable.  I have to choose to just stay away from them.   I have enough to deal with right now and keeping a merry heart needs to be my focus.

I like this quote. " Tell of the matchless power of Christ, and speak of His glory.  All heaven is interested in our salvation. The angels of God, thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand, are commission to .... guard us against evil and press back to powers of darkness that are seeking our destruction."  (E.G. White, The Ministry of Healing)  Did you get that .... ten thousand times ten thousand of angels looking out for us!!  Praise the Lord! I really like those odds because those angels are on my side.  I am praying right now that God send in some extra reinforcements to help me through my struggles.  God Bless you all and enjoy the amazing fall weather. I will.  :)

Exhausted!

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

 After 5 months of chemo I truly understand the need for rest.  The Bible gives us lots of advice on prayer and what is really important in life.  I find that especially now when feeling discouraged or challenged I am turning the God's word.  Before I started chemo, I was told to go the 'Chemo Education Class' at the Tom Baker Cancer Centre.  It was good and I learned information that I will probably never forget.  One point was that "As a chemo patient you are going to feel exhaustion like you have never felt.  No amount of sleep will solve it."  The basic science behind this exhaustion is that the chemo attacks all fast growing cells in the body.  This includes red and white blood cells among other things.  As the red blood cells drop in number the feeling of being totally drained follows. There is very little that a chemo patient can do .... make sure I eat healthy, take my walks and rest.
So what am I doing the day after Chemo #7 writing in my blog.... my only possible answer is that they gave me a huge dose of steroids yesterday in an attempt to counter act the "toxic" reaction that I had to the DOC drug last round.  I will continue the steroids for the next two weeks.  My body feels tired but my brain is doing flips. :)

I want to share a couple examples of when I have tried to do things and faced exhaustion.  I am doing this for understanding and for people who may also be going through chemo because there are times when I actually thought "am I crazy.... what is going on".  

 1. The Hill:  I walk every day.  My route includes walking on a gravel road. When driving one does not even think about  it but there is actually a hill on this road and our house sits on the ridge.  Many times I have paused at the bottom of the hill and thought "OK ... I can do this ... just one foot in front of the other."  Sometimes I even pray strength.  I always carry a cell phone and have yet to call for a ride home.  It helps too that our dog, Rocket, is very willing to pull me home where I can rest. I have a feeling today is going to be one of those days.

2. The Grocery Store:  I had really had the best intentions and thought I was feeling well enough so off I went to the grocery store I went.   As I was shopping, I felt my energy levels dropping and so cut my shopping trip short. I lined up at the checkout only the realize that I did not have the strength to push the cart another inch. I managed to unload the cart onto the checkout belt and that was it .... I was done.  Tears streamed down my face and I told the cashier I was exhausted and could not load the groceries myself.  She called her manager who gladly loaded the groceries, pushed them out to our truck and the loaded them into the vehicle.  I have a really strong desire to be independent and take care of myself but that is the last time I will attempt to buy groceries on my own while on chemo.

I can hear my good friend, Shelley saying to me "Just let it go ... take a breath ... this is not going to last forever."  I will get through this and it will be Ok.  And there are good kind people who want to help they just need to know what I need.

My Aunty Fern sent me a poem that makes me laugh ...

A Poem by  Nellie (wife of a man receiving "meals on wheels")
Build yourself a strong box
Fashion each part with care.
When it is as strong as your hands can make it
Put all your troubles in there!
Hide there all thoughts of your failures
And each bitter cup that you quaff;
Lock all you heartaches within it
And sit on the lid and laugh!

 Nellie,1939.  

God does not want us to worry or struggle.  We need to put all of our trust in him and let him take care of things for us.  I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.  God Bless you all.

ps. I have good news.  The chemo is continuing to work wonders in shrinking the cancer and I have an appointment to see my surgeon on September 21.  :)  

Light at the End of the Tunnel

1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour."

Chemo #6 is done and I feel like the 'roaring lion' has chewed me up and spit me out.  Day 14 after treatment and I finally feel like my "chemo hangover" is lifting.

On day 8 I wrote the following entry:  As I embarked on my evening walk tonight, tears streamed down my face.  The pain was anguishing.  It took about a quarter mile but slowly my aching bones and feet began to loosen up.  It is such a blessing that I forget most of the side effects of chemo until I am once again wrapped in its clutches.  At least this time I am avoiding the itchy hives (by taking lots of allergy medicine) that covered my body in very strategic locations last treatment.  The hives have been replaced by burn marks on my hands and wrists .... at least they are not all over my body.

I very much look forward to my daily walks.  My goal is to walk for 30 minutes every morning and then again 30 minutes in the evening.  Some days my walks are all that I do.  Statistics say that by walking for 30 minutes every day, I increase my chances of survival by 50%.   My goal is to survive and so if walking increases my chances, I am doing it.

Last week I met my radiation oncologist.  He informed me that I should expect 5 weeks of radiation treatments and that I will have appointments 5 times a week.  I certainly can ascertain from this that I will be glowing in time for Christmas. 


Praise the Lord for and thank you to all the kind individuals that are helping me through this ... everyone who prays for me, the kind ladies who clean my house, the good people who show up with food and fresh vegetables, my friend who drives me to appointments without question, the lady who made me a quilt and knitted hats,  my sons who drive me everywhere and help me shop, my family and their unconditional love and support, everyone who comes to visit me or even send a card, my sister-in-law who lent me her own copy of The Help before she even read it, my cousins for medical advice, my sister for her brilliant daily text messages, phone calls and emails ... the list goes on and on ... small gestures some ... but they all mean a lot to me and have renewed my faith in human kindness.

My mom has a friend that is a cancer patient ... she told my mom that 'a good day is when I go to bed with clean sheets and clean underwear'. ... I get it. I finally get it. I will talk about the total exhaustion that cancer treatments cause in another blog. 


Chemo #6 is done .... 2 more to go .... Yahoo! I can see light at the end of my tunnel. God Bless everyone and may we all see the light at the end of our tunnels.

Perseverance

To get through difficult times we all have learned methods that help us to make it. Chemotherapy treatments have opened up a whole new set of 'getting through it' skills.  Last Wednesday night in midst of a huge headache, I was trying my best to be physiologically ready for the looming chemo treatment the following day.  I happened to open the Bible to  ....“And he said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." -- II Corinthians 12:9-10.  Unable to read any more because of my headache I went to sleep with a back rub from my husband and "... when I am weak, then I am strong" echoing in my mind.

The next day, as we sat in the waiting room, I kept repeating "... when I am weak, then I am strong".  Upon being escorted into the treatment room (which just reminds me of a dairy barn ... people all lined up hooked to machines and the smell is something else ...).  I was given the nearest bed.  A kind nurse asked me how I was feeling ... nauseous.  The treatment had not even started, yet.  She suggested that it might be the smell of the treatment room and asked if I had anything pleasant to smell.  Amazingly, I had peppermint oil in my purse. A little on my temples and a few sniffs and the nausea began to subside.  God once again had provided a way to lesson my misery.  I do not remember much about this treatment because of the drugs given to stop allergic reactions to my current drug mix except that I continued to repeat "... when I am weak, then I am strong".

The best advice that I received early on in my chemotherapy treatments was  to "Hold God's hand tight, and listen to the Holy Spirit as he speaks to you, encourages you and comforts you".  Praise the Lord that in my delirium, I was able to remember enough of a Bible verse to get through this one.... 3 more to go ... and I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. By holding tight onto God's hand and with His help I will persevere. 

Side effects ...

 I woke up this morning and one of the first things I did was look at my desk calendar ... my eyes fell upon the upcoming week and pending chemo appointment.  I immediately began to feel the nausea creeping into my body.  Ugh!  I really need to think about other things ....

Achy, nauseous, bloated, constipated, lethargy ... and welcome to the world of chemo side effects. 

Somehow it my description of chemo sounds better if I add more to it ...
Achy, nauseous, bloated, constipated, lethargy,
getting well, forgiven and saved!  :)

God has given us the power of choice.  I can choose my approach to side effects and what I want to think about.


".... Always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.
Rejoice always,
pray without ceasing
in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Do not quench the Spirit.
Do not despise prophecies.
Test all things; hold fast what is good.
Abstain from every form of evil." I Thessalonians 5:15-22
 

"....whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy --- meditate on these things."  Philippians 4:8

God has provided us with some very sound advice to think about positive things, rejoice  always and pray without ceasing.  He knows what my soul needs to continue with my own personal battle.  In fact, he sent me some wonderful company this weekend to visit and laugh with.   I have found positive people to be one of the best distractions.


A recent email that arrived in my mailbox says ...
"God is crazy about [us].
He sends [us] flowers every spring and
a sunrise every morning.
Whenever [we] want to talk, He'll listen.
He can live anywhere in the universe,
and He chose [our] heart[s]. "

I am so blessed that I can read and think. Happiness is my choice. God loves and remembers us all.  Rejoice always!