God's Healing Power

Another beautiful day and so Thank you Lord! I am alive! I have so many things to do ... where do I start.  I woke up to a house fly dive bombing my head and I was OK with it because there is a reason for everything.... so maybe I was supposed to be up doing my thing.  This morning 'my thing' included a fly swatter.

I only have 3 more chemo treatments left.  Oh .... there is light at the end of the tunnel.  With each chemo I invite God to join me in the fiery furnace (Daniel 3: 23 - 30) and protect me from damage.   My body has been struggling with keeping my blood counts up enough and so chemo has been postponed a couple times.  However, the God of life knows what I need and I trust fully that these postponements are what is best for my health!

I have been fascinated over the past few weeks with the healing miracles in the New Testament and the very fact that God wants humans to be healthy and live full lives.

Here are a few examples of God's healing power from the book of Luke:

Luke 5:13 ... The healing of a leper.

Luke 6: 6-10 ... The healing of a mans hand.

Luke 7:2-10 ... The Centurion's servant is healed.

Luke 7:14-15 ... A widow's son is raised.

Luke 8:48 ... A woman is healed.

Luke 8:49-56 ... Jairus's daughter is raised.

Luke 13:11-13 ... A crippled woman is healed.

Luke 18:35-43  ... A man named Bartimaeus is healed.

The examples continue with probably the greatest account of healing being the raising of Lazarus who had been dead for days.  See John 11.

There is a pattern that emerges when looking at the healing miracles by Christ: a strong faith that Christ can heal and/or the request to be healed.

In Luke 11, just after Christ teaches the disciples how to pray, He tells the parable of the persistent friend.  A friend goes to another friend's home after midnight and asks for three loaves of bread.  At first the friend who answers the door says 'no' and lists reasons why he will not answer the request.  However, because the asker keeps asking, the friend gives him the loaves of bread.  Christ finishes the story by saying, "And I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you." "For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks find, and to him who knocks it will be opened." (verses 9 and 10)  God wants us to ask and it is very acceptable to keep asking.

May we all be blessed with mountains of faith so that we can ask and see God's healing power in action.

Have a wonderful week and happy birthday to my little brother. :)

God's Love Is Limitless

God is light. (1 John 1:5) God is life. (John 14:16) God is love. (1 John 4:8)

I admit it.  I have been in denial and have been feeling very disappointed.  It was my sincerest wish that the last chemo, Erubulin,  was the key to the end of the cancer.  However, in early May, I had another tumor removed and started back on chemo in June.  With two rounds complete they have informed me this week that I will need four more rounds and then they are sending me for more surgery. That will be surgery number 8.  It is a hard row to hoe and the only thing sustaining me is that this is part of God’s plan.  His love is limitless and He hears my prayers.

There is no end to God’s love and if we choose we can choose to have life beyond what we have experienced here on earth.  God has won the war.  It is over.  Christ came to earth and died for all of humanity so that we may live.  (John 3:16) There is nothing that we can do save ourselves but choose to be a child of God.  We are saved by God’s grace.  (Ephesians 2: 8-9)

I had a favorite song when I was about 14 years old called, “Pass it On”. And the lyrics go something like …

‘It only takes a spark to get the fire going. And then those all around can warm up to its glowing.  That’s how it is with God’s love.  Once you experience it, you spread his love to every one, you want to pass it on …”

God’s love is limitless and extends to everyone. So pass it on!

I confess that every time I open up the Bible to read, it speaks to me!  While wallowing in my disappointment in early June, I opened up my Bible and I stumbled upon Psalms 69 where David is feeling desperate and is pleading with God …

“I sink in deep mire,

Where there is no standing;

I come into deep waters,

Where the floods overflow me.

I am weary with my crying;

My throat is dry;

My eyes fail while I wait for my God. ….

Let not those who seek You be

Confounded because of me, O God of

Israel. ….

Hear me, Oh Lord, for Your lovingkindness is good;

Turn to me according to the multitude of Your tender mercies.

And do not hide your face from your servant,

For I am in trouble;

Hear me speedily.

Draw near my soul and redeem it ….”

And then Psalms 70 where David says, “Make haste, O God, to deliver me! Make haste to help me, Oh Lord.”  Yes, this described what I have been feeling so I found great comfort in David’s words and did not hesitate to make these statements part of my prayers.

Oh, I wish from the bottom of my heart, to just be done with cancer! And done with treatments! Please, “Make haste, O God, to deliver me!”

It is OK to plead with God. Or it is also fine to simply say ‘God thank you for hearing my prayers.’ God hears our prayers. The important thing is to let God know that we humbly are requesting his intervention.

 

When I do not get the answer I want in the timing that I want, I quote Job, …..

“Though He slay me, I will trust in Him.” Job 15:13

By trusting God there is nothing to lose.  People ask me ‘How can you be so happy and look so full of life?’.  Frankly, I trust God and realize that I would not be alive today except that He has been taking care of me. By the grace of God, I actually look amazing and will get through this as well.

God is in charge. He has limitless love and is in control.  I will live my life on his terms.

May God bless you and may you experience and share His limitless love. 

I would like to dedicate this blog entry to my Aunty Edna. She truly lived a life that exemplified that God’s love is limitless. Thank you.

Pray for the Miracle ...

“Trust in the Lord thy God with all thine heart

and lean not on your own understanding,

in all your ways submit to him

and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Spring is my favourite time of the year.  I can look around and see miracles everywhere and if they are not happening fast enough outside, I buy little planters and start things growing inside. 

We are all the product of a miracle simply because we are alive.  Enjoy your miracle of life!  I am!  May all the glory of this miracle go to God!

I pray for my miracle of being healthy every day and that God puts the thoughts I need to think in my head, in my doctors’ heads and the heads of my other helpers. I am so blessed because I know there are also others who pray for me, too.   My oncologist tells me to keep doing whatever I am doing because it is working.  And I tell him that there is a lot of prayer going on. J

It is already March and I have not updated my progress in too long.  I am doing really well.  I have finished the Erubulin chemo.  My appointment on December 30 had me in shock because I thought I was done.  However, my oncologist in all his wisdom had decided that I needed 2 more rounds (4 more treatments / 6 more weeks). This is because I ‘was handling it well’ and statistically the more rounds the better the outcome.  I am all for better outcomes. So on New Years Eve at 5:15 pm as others were going out to celebrate, I was going in for chemo.  My December CT scan was clean.  I am booked again for a CT on April 12. I am feeling well but I will humour my doctor and get it done.

I have now been on this cancer journey now for five years.  Near the beginning of my journey I remember being in the Tom Baker for treatment and noticing a very young man across from me getting very ill because of the chemo he was being administered. It was then that I starting praying that God would intervene. We need a cure for this horrific disease or a least treatments that work and are were more tolerable.

As time passes,  my request is being answered. And there are a new few things that I am going to share that I am very excited about.  I hate when doctors say, “There are not options for you.”  So here is a list of options that I have not put into my blog, until now: 

1.  There is a Clinical Trial from BC called Personalize Oncological Genome (or POG).  Basically, they take a piece of the tumour and figure out what will kill it.  They have been having so much success in BC that it is being expanded to be Canada wide. It is called the National Access Program is being offered to all Canadians. And if you do not get into the program, they will run the testing for $1000 CND. This is a link to the recent news story: Vancouver Company Offers free Gene Analysis for Cancer Patients. 

2.  The Rigvir treatment is being offered in a Mexico clinic called Hope 4 Cancer. Rigvir therapy has gone through clinical trial and works!  It is basically a virus that attacks the cancer itself and leaves your body unharmed.  It was featured in the recent 'The Truth about Cancer' video series. 

3.  Numerous news stories about immunotherapy are being successfully used in Canada have been broadcast. Here is one.... Immunotherapy Treatment

I encourage everyone to pray and ask for the desires of their heart. Pray for the miracle because God hears our prayers.  All is well!  May God bless you and Happy Easter! 

Getting OK with ... Death .....

First a quick update on me and a huge "Thank You" for all your prayers!  Your prayers are working! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

On Thursday, I finished the Eribulin chemo.  Eighteen weeks of it and my body is telling me that it is time to be done.  So yes, I am happy.  I had an MRI in early November and it came back with "nothing is growing". That is a good result.  There is a CT booked in a few days on December 23 to check of any internal changes.  All is well!

And on to my thought of the day .... Getting OK with Death ...

Death is the proverbial white elephant in the room.  No one wants to talk about it.  What a thing to talk about so close to Christmas! Perhaps it is the perfect time. 

Christmas is our Christian cultural and traditional celebration of Christ’s birth.  It is the greatest gift of all eternal life: a gift to human kind of immortality. God sending his son to earth to live the perfect life, die for our sins (John 3:16) and be resurrected so that we may live.  It is the most amazing gift!

Death is something that I have had a hard time getting my head around.  I remember my friend, Shelley, saying to me, “You have a God and beliefs. Look to them.”  or when my son, who had been studying Revelation (“[Christ has]the keys to Hades and death.” Rev 1:18) saying, “It is perfectly ok when people die because God takes care of it.”  and tears instantly came to my eyes.

It was not until, while deep in thought that I realized as humans we are created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27)  God is immortal and therefore it is only natural that we want to hold onto life.  We instinctually want to live.  I appreciated my cousin’s explanation of death as a graduation from our earthly existence.  Death is just a fact of being done on earth. We have come to a point where our human existence can go no further and we are ready for the amazing next thing.

So we die and then what? God does have a plan. 

              1. Death is a deep sleep.

“The dead know nothing.” Ecclesiastics 9:5

“There is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.”  Ecclesiastics 9:10

“The dead do not praise the Lord”. Psalms 115:17

2.     Resurrection for the dead. Christ is coming back.

“The hour is coming in which all who are in the graves will hear His voice and come forth.” John 5: 28 and  29

3.     Eternal life for those who choose to be children of God.

“Blessed by the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, the an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you.” 1 Peter 1: 3 and 4

"...Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on .... that they may rest from their labours ...." Revelation 14:13

So we sleep, we are raised at the second coming and those who have chosen to follow Christ go to heaven.  What about those who we leave behind?  All we need to know that death is not “Good bye” but rather “See you later”.  

And God promises to be with those who mourn.  “I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13

Perhaps this is over simplified and I am not planning on dying anytime soon.  So let us live our lives as students of life with the confidence and with the hope that God has a plan for everyone’s salvation and release from the grip of death. If you want to read further on this subject I encourage you to read more at this link for more thorough  Bible based explantation. 

Praise the Lord for all that he does! May blessings pour from heaven upon you all! and Merry Christmas!

Feeling the Love!

It is almost the end of October and I am 7/12 treatments done!  I had an extra week off because my neutrophils were only 1.0.  The extra week allowed extra prayers for my body to rally and my neutrophils rose to 2.5 before then treatment that I had on this past Thursday.  Yahoo!  2.5 is in the normal range ... how did this happen?  To go from 'your system can not handle treatment' to 'are you sure you are on chemo'?  I look forward to these treatments .... perhaps because I know they are working! Praise the Lord! And if God thinks I need a week off chemo, He will make sure that I have a week off.

September saw me seeing the radiation oncologist, Dr K.  I had jokingly told my surgeon that if the radiation oncologist gave me the 'short painful life' version of my story that I would be hitchhiking back to Mexico. Guess who came into my appointment with the radiation oncologist ... yes, it was my surgeon.  After Dr. K.  left the room, he said to me, "Well, are you going back to Mexico?".  I told him, "Not right now. I am good to stay here and get my chemo." He was happy.  I am very blessed to have a surgeon who cares so much about me and wants me alive!  Yes, I am 'feeling the love'!

There will be no radiation.  Once Dr. K. reviewed my file she decided, like I have heard before, that I have had way too much radiation.  I could have told her that.  Remembering chunks of my flesh peal off of my body during my last radiation regime does not bring to mind a "light" dose.   I recall her saying, "your bones will crumble if I give you enough radiation to make a difference".   I am very ok with keeping my bones intact.  The plan now is just to continue with the chemo and hope for good results.  I am booked for another MRI on November 14 and I predict 'no tumours'!

I had actually been hoping for radiation. For a moment, I felt disappointed that we would not be hitting the cancer with another sludge hammer.  However, I recalled the story of Gideon in the book of Judges chapter 7 who was told by God that he only needed a small army to defeat the Midianites because He wanted everyone to know that the battle was won because He (God) was in control.  The glory was to go to God.  Gideon started with over 30,000 men.  Twenty-two thousand left because they were afraid and he was left with 10,000 men. It still was too many. After another test he was left with an army of 300 men.  That night, "... the Lord said to him. 'Arise, go down against the camp, for I have delivered it into your hand." Judges 7:9 And even though they were outnumbered, just as God had said, the battle was won.  With God on our side we do not need the biggest army, we only need the faith that He is in control and taking care of us.  I am doing well and may all glory go to God!  I will continue to trust that God is in control and he has my best interests at heart.

I continue eating lots of salads and making green juice from zucchini grown in my garden.  With my supplies getting low, tomorrow, I am going to drive to my parents to stock up on more organic vegetables.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Canadian Thanksgiving and find things everyday to be grateful for even if it is 'green juice'. Thank you for your prayers and love!

God bless one and all!

Off to Battle ...

In 2 Kings 13: 14-19, there is a story where King Joash of Israel comes to prophet Elisha and Elisha tells the King Joash that he must strike Syria and destroy them.  The King strikes the ground three times to indicate the number of times he will attack Syria.  An annoyed prophet tells him that he needed to have struck five or six times to destroy Syria.  There are things in life that are not easy and it can take more than one try to get things done right.  God expects us to make an effort. And so in that light, here I go again off to battle. Hopefully, this battle will lead to a total return to health.

In June, as I was lifting weights in the 'garage gym' that my sons have set up, I noticed a new lump beginning to develop at the back of my left arm pit.  After about a week of mustering up my courage, I booked an appointment with my surgical oncologist.  A CT scan was quickly booked (which once again was clean!) and surgery number six happened on July 15. Needless to say I was very happy to have what had grown into this new large and painful lump removed.  They also removed a smaller growth from my left triceps area.

This past Thursday, I started a new chemo drug call Eribulin.  It is a push type and takes about three minutes to administer. That's right .... three minutes.  I almost fell off my chair when the nurse said three minutes.  I felt like I had won the lottery and honestly tried my best not to look too jubilant as I left the treatment area just a few minutes after I had arrived.  This is the same drug that the blood tests done in Mexico indicated to be very effective. My medical oncologist informed me that the last two patients that have been on this drug have had amazing results.  I really could use a little "amazing"!

I have more good news.  There is a radiation oncologist who says there is a 'strong maybe' to radiation.  Radiation was another treatment option that my blood tests had indicated was a good option.

My current treatment plan has me doing three rounds of chemo (chemo once a week for two weeks and then week 3 no chemo times three) and then radiation followed by another two or three rounds of chemo. I will learn more about the radiation possibility on September 21.

After my first day 1 treatment, I am thinking that I am going to be OK with the side effects of this drug.  Praise the Lord!! My poor oncologist was sad that I once again would be bald.  However, I honestly 'rock' bald so I am OK with it. So once again, "All is Well!".

I have put my problems into God's hands and encourage others to do the same with their problems.  God can handle things like no one else!  I have also asked God to guide my doctors and wash the cancer entirely out of my body just as he washes our sins away.

Psalms 17:6 "I call on you my God, for You will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer."

I am so grateful and have a really strong feeling that this is going to have excellent results.  Everything is in place and going the right direction.  With God's help, I will be done with this! :)

Thank you all for your love and support.  May we each be a light onto the world, may all chemo treatments be three minutes long and may God continue to bless us all!

Forgiveness ...

I have forgiven before.  I have even forgiving people for things when I could not understand their motivation. However, upon prayer and urging from my homeopath, I have come to the conclusion that there are more people that I need to forgive!

So in order to fulfill my need to get information quickly, I have turned to the internet and also read Annette Stanwick's book Forgiveness: the Miracle and the Mystery.  I came across some really good information on the internet, as well .... 12 steps to Forgiveness, 7 steps to Forgiveness or how about the 4 steps described in Desmond Tutu's book  .... this needs to get done quickly. I also like another source which is very to the point. It refers to our feelings as being 'fickle' and says that it may take time for our feelings to catch up with our decision to forgive.

In all practicality, I have written my own 6 steps of forgiveness that I need to go through ...
1. recognize who/what I need to forgive
2. pray and tell God that I have forgiven them while asking for the ability to forgive them totally
3. if I get bothered by continued behaviour, I will just need to remind myself that I have no need for an emotional response and remind God that I have forgiven them
4. pray for them and that God bless them
5.  become a forgiving machine ... feeling offended or hurt leads to immediate forgiveness

There is a new booming field of research and clearly points to a need to pay attention to stress in each of our lives.  Countless studies also show stress and anger can cause or worsen diseases, such as cancer, heart disease, and various autoimmune disorders. "  A news story by CBN has the shocking headline "The Deadly Consequences of Unforgiveness". A decreased immune system is the opposite of what I need and want.  I have no time to waste.  All of my energy needs to be focused on living!  My homeopath has told me to start with the 2010 accident and forgiving the people who hit me and their lawyers, however, upon prayer and deep thought I clearly see that it goes deeper than that .... I really need to forgive myself.  It is something that I had not made a conscious effort to do.

The bottom line is that I woke up from a year of post-concussion after an auto accident with stage 3 metastatic bi-lateral breast cancer.  I had lived that year overstressed by the dishonest insurance company and  hating the person that I was forced to be.  It is bad enough to be stupid but for me somehow it was worse when I knew I was stupid.   I had no idea how much of my identity was tied up in the functioning of my brain. Slowly over that year, things did come back.  I could read, do basic math and even cook a meal.  However, my life was in danger, the self loathing of who I now was had gone too far.  Five years later, I am still in a battle but now with cancer.

Forgiveness is a gift.  It is a gift that allows one to release the past and focus on the future with a positive outlook. God has drawn a perfect example for us  ...

in Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind and compassionate with each other, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.";

in Colossians 3:13 "... Forgive as the Lord God forgave you." ;

and in Matthew 6:14 "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you,".

... basically being Christian means that we need to forgive all who have sinned against us because God has done just that for us!  If God has paid the ultimate price and has forgiven me, I truly need to have compassion on others and forgive them. The irony in this is that by having compassion on others I am actually having compassion on myself.   The other parties need or decision to be hurtful or dishonest has nothing to do with me.  I can not control or enforce anyones behaviour but
my own. So it is time to let myself off the hook.  I am not responsible for others.  I am responsible for myself.

After all this time, how had I not forgiven them?  Possibly, because they keep on acting in such a a way that I have seen no need to forgive them.  My reaction to this situation has been one more of sadness rather than anger.  Do I need to forgive people who make me sad? Yes. I probably do. Stanwick's book described a need for me to forgive even when the offending party did not deserve to be forgiven.  They do not have to ask for me to forgive to be forgiven. In fact, I should be praying for them.

I have made a conscious decision and prayed for the ability to forgive the insurance companies lawyer, the trucking company, the truck driver, and anyone else involved.  I have also made the decision to remind myself that I have forgiven them the next time they 'poke' me.  Hopefully, I will get to a spot where I get no emotional reaction at all when I have to deal with them.

Now..... to forgive myself!  For this I will also ask God to send his Holy Spirit to please, heal my soul.  Let me be good enough as I am.  To please, help me to stop basing expectations on myself from the way I used to be. And to, please, stop looking at everything that I can no longer do and for everything that has fallen apart in my life since the accident. This includes forgiving myself for getting cancer.  I truly and deeply want to be healthy and if forgiveness is the key, I will do it. Forgiveness now must be part of my get well formula! Even if it is not the key, then at least I will have discovered a happier better way to live.

I also have decided to work with a psychologist. If my trip to Mexico taught me anything it was that seeing a psychologist is not just to 'learn how to die' (Oh... there is a radiation oncologist from June 2013 that I also need to make a conscious decision to forgive .... will this list end?).  As things continue to pop up, I will continue to forgive.  Now let us watch as God turns evil into good.

God is love and I do pray that God will make me the person that He wants me to become.  I am imperfect person am living in an imperfect world.  May we all become 'forgiving machines' and praise God for his continued gift of forgiveness!