The last couple doctor appointments have been brutal. Yes, you would think that I would just build a psychological brick wall around myself with just a small peephole to look out. However, I honestly was expecting that radiation would be a go this time. Even with the warnings of permanent severe pain, extreme swelling, 80% loss of shoulder use and possible loss of hand use I was willing to do it. So when I was called back in on Wednesday to see the radiation oncologist again, I was sure that he was going to tell me that radiation was a go. Instead I got a big 'no' and the "this cancer cannot be stopped" speech. Ugh!? After 3 reccurrences ..... getting my head around this once again and my mind onto positive life giving thought is a challenge! It has been difficult to shake this nervous feeling. So I have been praying and deep breathing. I have also been very appreciative of the people, God has put in my path to tell me to 'be as tough as nails", "you are young", "you can do this", "things are going to be ok", and "keep up the fight".However, it seems that no matter how early, when I awake and my brain switches on there is little I can do to stop it. So I pray. The other morning, I awoke and started my daily ritual. After I prayed for forgiveness, healing, guidance, my requests for others, for better world situations, and for God's soon coming,I then reached over and picked up my Bible. It opened directly to Genesis 18. The is the story where Abraham and Sarah have guests (messengers from God) who come to tell them that Sarah was going to have a son even though both her and Abraham are in their old age. Sarah who is eavesdropping laughs to herself. How could she have a baby? (verse 12) The story continues with .....
"Is anything too hard for the Lord?"
The line rang in my head like an alarm. The Lord is
the creator of all and the Father of everything good. I am God's child
and I need to continue to trust that He has everything in control. My
dilemma has been revolving around the fact that I do not know what to do to
stop the cancer from coming back. I pray and pray. Others pray and
pray for me more. Like Sarah my faith is being tested.
I believe in being proactive along with prayer. As a
result, one of my requests has been that God open doors for me, so that I can
learn what to do to have my health restored. As a result, a door has been
opened and it looks like I am travelling to a clinic in Baja, Mexico. I am
going for an 4 day assessment. After which they will recommend a
treatment plan. The worst that could happen is that I will learn more about how
to extend my life expectancy. This will be a huge expense and funds are
an issue. I will trust in the Lord that He will provide a way, if this is what
I am to do.
May God bless you in your life's journey. Happy Sabbath.
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