2018 Here I Come!

Goodbye drugs! Hello to a clearer mind and hello to my prosthetic arm.

I admit that besides chemotherapy, I do not have a lot of experience with drugs. Since, the amputation and the addition of phantom pain, it has been a different story. The main issue is that the last memories my brain has of my left arm is the pain experienced during surgery. That's correct, I was unconscious but my brain recalls exactly what happen to the point that I can actually articulate what my left arm experienced up to the actual amputation. And now without feedback to my brain that my left hand and arm are ok, my brain sends out pain signals telling me that there is a major problem with my left extremity.  The first way to control the 'phantom pain' is with drugs.

In June, I was told by my rehab doctor to 'get off the opioids, now'! And I was ok with it.  Mind you I did have withdrawal symptoms, however, with my goal being health, I persevered.  Then I was left with gabapentin which I began to drop and drop some more until I was just taking 1/5 of the prescribed dose.  I still was experiencing unfathomable fatigue and what I would call early onset dementia as I was forgetting things like my postal code and phone number. The light in this tunnel was that my referral to the chronic pain clinic came through and so I have been working with all kinds of rehab people as well as a physiotherapist on my own. It was a couple weeks before Christmas that I was switched from the gabapentin to Lyrica in hopes to help relieve my fatigue while still getting pain control.  And that is where four days before Christmas, I found myself in a mall parking lot bawling my eyes out. I had been warned that it could be mood altering (more in the sense of ... 'if you feel like murdering someone' kind of thoughts) however, I was not expecting the total wave of emotional darkness that came over me in the form of sadness with this new drug. The next day, I was sitting in church (and yes, I had been praying and asking God what I should do) when clear as a bell I knew  that I had to stop taking the drugs, if I wanted to be well, I had to stop taking the drugs.  So that is the new plan: NO drugs! Yes, there is pain but at least there is now hope that my head will be screwed on straight.  Praise, the Lord that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. 

2018 will be work for me.  I attend many medical appointments at the chronic pain centre, appointments for rehab/prosthetics and follow-up appointments with my cancer specialists. In January I am booked for a CT scan where they are checking for more cancer.  I have been wearing a weighted left shoulder to get used to weight on my left side again and I also start muscle training for my new left arm.  The plan is that I will have the new left arm by the end of January! And yes, I promise to keep my blog updated.

2017 I am so done with you! And I welcome 2018 with much anticipation and hope!  May God continue to protect each one of us and guide our steps. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. Thank you everyone for your continued prayers and kind words of support.  Blessings to you all!