Calm Healing

Day 21:   The birds are so crazy in love here.  They fly about chasing each other and singing and singing some more.  The weather is once again wonderful. And in five 'more sleeps' I will be flying home.  I have enjoyed my time here and have done quite a few things that I could not even imagined myself doing in the past.  Although, I am not sure if undergoing supervised medical procedures quite qualifies me as an adventurer. 😊 I now have been in the hyperbaric chamber six times.  At this rate I may feel 25 by the time I get home.  I did start having a strange reaction to the vit C IVs and so they have been discontinued.  However, the Laetrile/Amygdalin and other IVs continue. Oh yes, I hit 39.7 C in the full body hyperthermia on Thursday.  We still are waiting for the test results from Greece. At this point the oncologist here is leaning towards sending me back to Canada for full blown chemo.  My Sanoviv psychologist said something this past week that is so simple and yet so ingenious that I need to share .... "focus on healing ... push the worry and stress that comes to the side so that you can use your energy to be healthy". My energy needs to be spent focusing on my healing! Less worry will mean more healing.  I can do that!  My homework that he has given me this week is to figure out how to continue my healing at home.

Yesterday, morning I was flipping through my Bible and came across the story of Daniel in the lions den.  The king at the time, Darius, was manipulated by a group of men into signing a decree declaring that no one was to pray to anyone (gods included) except the king.  Unknowingly, Darius had put Daniel into peril.  Daniel, however, continue to pray to God three times a day "as was his custom". (Daniel 6:10) When Daniel's prayers were brought to the kings attention he had no choice but to cast him into the lions den.  "But the king spoke, saying Daniel, 'Your God, whom you serve continually, He will deliver you' ". (Daniel 6:16) King Darius spent the night fasting and unable to sleep.  Early the next morning he went to the lions den to check on the state of Daniel.  The king cried out,  "Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to deliver you from the lions?" (Daniel 6:20) Daniel responded, "O king live forever!" (Daniel 6:21) Daniel was very much alive and continued, "My God sent His angels and shut the lions mouths, so that they have not hurt me because I was found innocent before Him and also, O king, I have done no wrong before you." (Daniel 6:22) All was well.  Daniel was saved because of his faith. 

Our lives are not going to be stress free.  No matter how hard we try, we will be unable to create heaven here on earth.  Things happen here that we will not understand until the second coming. However, with the right tools we can find the peace and calmness of knowing that we have a God that protects us and takes care of all of our needs. 'Your God, whom you serve continually, He will deliver you' ". (Daniel 6:16)    I have come to trust that no matter what 'lion's den' I am cast into I will be fine because God is taking care of me and you, too. 

All is well!  May God pour his blessings upon you! ❤️

Let There Be Light

Day 14 in Mexico:   I have found hope! I have found the light! The Mexican stage of my journey has taken me to the Sanoviv Medical Clinic in Baja California, Mexico. After the initial 4 day assessment, I have enrolled in the 3 week cancer support program.   The first four days of my stay involved a battery of medical tests which included everything from ultra sounds to blood tests to fitness tests. I may know more about my body than I ever wanted to know. :) 

In the cancer support program,I  have been put on a regime of supplements and have had a blood test
sent to Greece to have my blood fully analyzed.    I spend about 3 hours a day sitting in an IV chair getting liquid supplements. I also have regional hyperthermia on my left triceps area. Twice a week I am put into a full body hyperthermia bed where I sweat more than I thought was humanly possible. Friday, I got up to 38.9 C.  And probably the most bizarre part of this is the  hyperbaric chamber.  It is like being in a small submarine.  After two times in the hyperbaric chamber, I think that my scars are disappearing!  Wow!  There are also appointments with chiropractors, homeopaths, psychologists etc.  It is the total package. 

Oh and yes!  I do feel very safe here.  It is like staying in a beautiful resort that is right on the ocean.  The food here is absolutely outstanding!  At night I fall to sleep listening to the ocean waves and during the day at the top of each hour church bells ring.  I appreciate the Christian atmosphere and we are surrounded by beauty.   It is a wonderful place to relax and get well. The staff and patients here are amazing.  In fact, I am in awe of the strength, courage, support and hope that I see in patients with stage 4 cancer.  

I am so blessed!  My sister was here for the assessment and then my cousin, Kathy, came and will stayed with me until March 11. Having family here for a bit helped me get into the routine and feel comfortable with my treatments.   I am now on my own.  However, with my hope restored, I have once again been able to focus on getting healthy.When I arrived here I was a nervous wreck.  I am now OK and am focusing on health and healing.  There is no room in my heart for fear. There is only room for love, hope and joy.  All is well!

Proverbs 23:7 "For as he thinketh in his heart, so he is ...."

Thank you for your support in my journey.  God Bless! 

Test of Faith

  The last couple doctor appointments have been brutal.  Yes, you would think that I would just build a psychological brick wall around myself with just a small peephole to look out.  However, I honestly was expecting that radiation would be a go this time.  Even with the warnings of permanent severe pain, extreme swelling, 80% loss of shoulder use and possible loss of hand use I was willing to do it. So when I was called back in on Wednesday to see the radiation oncologist again, I was sure that he was going to tell me that radiation was a go.  Instead I got a big 'no' and the "this cancer cannot be stopped" speech.  Ugh!?  After 3 reccurrences  ..... getting my head around this once again and my mind onto positive life giving thought is a challenge!  It has been difficult to shake this nervous feeling. So I have been praying and deep breathing. I have also been very appreciative of the people, God has put in my path to tell me to 'be as tough as nails", "you are young", "you can do this", "things are going to be ok", and "keep up the fight".

 However, it seems that no matter how early, when I awake and my brain switches on there is little I can do to stop it.  So I pray.  The other morning, I awoke and started my daily ritual.  After I prayed for forgiveness, healing, guidance, my requests for others, for better world situations, and for God's soon coming,I then reached over and picked up my Bible.  It opened directly to Genesis 18.  The is the story where Abraham and Sarah have guests (messengers from God) who come to tell them that Sarah was going to have a son even though both her and Abraham are in their old age. Sarah who is eavesdropping laughs to herself.  How could she have a baby? (verse 12) The story continues with .....

¹³ And the LORD said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?

¹⁴ Is any thing too hard for the LORD? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?"

The line rang in my head like an alarm. The Lord is the creator of all and the Father of everything good.  I am God's child and I need to continue to trust that He has everything in control.  My dilemma has been revolving around the fact that I do not know what to do to stop the cancer from coming back.  I pray and pray.  Others pray and pray for me more.   Like Sarah my faith is being tested.  

I believe in being proactive along with prayer. As a result, one of my requests has been that God open doors for me, so that I can learn what to do to have my health restored.  As a result, a door has been opened and it looks like I am travelling to a clinic in Baja, Mexico.  I am going for an 4 day assessment.  After which they will recommend a treatment plan. The worst that could happen is that I will learn more about how to extend my life expectancy.  This will be a huge expense and funds are an issue. I will trust in the Lord that He will provide a way, if this is what I am to do.  

May God bless you in your life's journey. Happy Sabbath. 

My Frustration

I want to yell!  I want to run away!! Please, I want this cancer to be gone!!!  I pray to God daily and among my thanks for blessing and requests for blessings and healing for others, I  tell Him that I want my health restored and the cancer gone.  Lord, please, get all the cancer out of my body! 

I am on the mend. My surgery went well.  And so far I do not seem to be missing my left triceps segment that they removed and my left hand works perfectly. My surgeon is happy so that means that I am happy, as well.  He would really like if they would do radiation on my upper left arm and is sending me to see a radiation oncologist.  This makes me cringe slightly because we all know the wonderful experience I had with "Dr. Doom" that I saw about 1.5 years ago.  Her crystal ball was very broken.  Although it might be refreshing to tell her ..."Hey look!  I am still alive!" :) The basic point is that some doctors like to say negative things ... and we are allowed to have enough common sense to NOT believe everything that comes out of their mouths. 

On Wednesday, I saw my medical oncologist.  Even though my CT scan is clean and there is no indication of cancer elsewhere he wants me to start chemo on Feb 12, 2015. He will be on holidays but I will see his retired counterpart (The "I come back to do prove that I am still smart and the more drugs you are on the better" doctor) on the 11th and then start chemo the next day.  So what is my problem ..... I HATE CHEMO!!  and I just have a gut feeling that if there is no cancer they are just running around shooting in the dark.  That's it! That's all!  And this is totally interfering with my 'get health and get strong plan' .... my quest is being put on hold... for now!

So, two weeks ... I have two weeks to shake this feeling of hating chemo, get my head around this and go in there with positive 'kick cancer's butt' attitude. I am struggling with it ... and so once again I must put this is God's hands.  I have been telling Him that if I am not supposed to do this, to make it really clear to the doctors.  Maybe God could hit them with a 'figurative' lightening bold. And if I am supposed to to this, then make that clear, as well.  It is not my worry. I have put this problem in God's hands.  If God wants me to go through with this round of chemo, I will go through with this  chemo regime.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yes, I will help thee; yes I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isaiah 41:10


Oh ... the pathology will be back in a week and if the cancer has changed, again, there may be a totally different plan.  This is too much to think about.  God has got it.  God is in control.  This is not my worry, it is God's problem.  I am God's problem.  And He can handle it!  and me too!

In the mean time, I think that a little Taylor Swift singing "Shake it off" is a good prescription.

All is well!!  Happy February .... the days are getting longer and spring will soon be here.  

God bless one and all!  

New Perspective ....

Life if good!  I love being alive! I love my life! and I love all those around me.

Monday, I got the call.  I was sitting at my desk at work ... first day back in almost two years.  I had been there about 1.5 hours.  The phone rang and it was my surgeon.  His words to me were, "This is trouble.  I need to see you today so that we can lay out a plan."

The Tuesday prior I had been in my surgeon's office for a checkup when I pointed out a 'thickness' on the upper backside of my left arm.  He took a biopsy and immediately booked a CT scan.  The CT scan happened that Thursday.  And now surgery is booked for Friday, January 23, 2015.  He is planning on taking my left triceps and missing the nerve that controls my left hand.  I would like to still be able to use my left hand but as I told him before, " If you need to take the whole arm.".   The good news in all this is that I am NOT stage 4.  The cancer is still local and being dealt with very quickly.


I was feeling kind of numb about this and was struggling with my perspective on this whole thing when a few things happened.

1.  I overheard something while waiting for my appointment with the surgeon that I was not meant to hear. It made me shake my head and realize that things could be a lot worse.

2.  A recent news story hit the internet about Dionne Warner. CBC news  Twenty years fighting the breast cancer and 7 times she has had it reoccur.

3.  At church this weekend there was a beautiful young mom who struggles with kidney failure. She has a son who needs surgery again for the third time. The congregation was asked to pray for them both.

Do you know what?  I am not that bad off and I have more people to add to my prayer list.  In fact, I would even say that I am blessed!  I am in God's hands and He is taking care of me.

I also had an epiphany when I realized that my focus should be on staying healthy and being here for my family.  I am actually considering a quest or an attempt to discover what I need to do to stop this disease from coming back.

"... seek and ye will find ...." Matthew 7:7


May God bless you, guide you, and be close to you.  Love,  Holly

May you be Strengthened ....

Recently I have spent a great deal of time pondering one of my favourite Bible verses.
Ephesians 3:16-19 ...

¹⁶ That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man;

¹⁷ That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,

¹⁸ May be able to comprehend with all saints what [is] the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;

¹⁹ And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

Such a wonderful promise.  It is amazing that we can ask for so much.  I also pray this prayer...  that God may strengthen all those around me (especially my friend who recently when through a cancer surgery and is in ICU)  according to the riches of His glory.  There is nothing else that we need than to have than to have God fill us with his strength and love. When I feel overwhelmed by the events around me these verses give me a feeling of total calmness. God is our awesome Heavenly Father.  He is in control and that all we need to do is ask and He is with us, strengthening us, and helping us with whatever we need. 

I am loving being drug free and looking forward to returning to work in January 2015.  On January 6, I have an appointment with my surgeon to have my armpit checked, again.  I have such a deep need for my life to be normal.  Normal for me would be to be able to go to work and contribute in my community.  If it is God's will, my wish will come true.  

Christmas blessings, love, strength and happiness to one and all!  

  

Remission! Yes! Remission!

"Lord, my God, I called to You for help, and You
healed me." Psalm 30:2

Wednesday, September 3, 2014 started out as any usual day except that I was scheduled for an appointment with my oncologist.  The alarm rang and I rolled out of bed.   After a quick shower, breakfast and bottle feeding our two little goats, I made sure that my 16 year old son was out of bed and getting ready for school before I hopped into the truck for the drive into the Tom Baker for my appointment.   During the morning rush, I did take time to talk to God.  And part of my morning prayers included the following request ....
"Dear Heavenly Father, Please, bless Dr. P. and give him the wisdom to know the best treatment plan for me...."

I parked and walked across the street to the Tom Baker. As I approached the back door entrance, I spotted Dr. P. darting to the door.  He held the door open for me, I entered the building and turned to take the shortcut up the stairs. Dr. P. followed. He said something about being late and I thought to myself this means that I better pick up the pace.  So I trotted up the stairs to the second floor.  He kept pace behind me and mentioned as he went by on his way to the third floor that it was nice to see me skipping up the stairs.  I had just raced my medical oncologist up the stairs and I think I won! :) Being drug free sure suits me.

Later at my appointment with Dr. P., he was going over my last test results and then started talking about the new drug and the not so nice side effects when suddenly he got up and said ... "just a minute" and walked out of the room.  I sat there nervously thinking about the cancer drugs and hoping for no side effects.  When he returned he had in his hand the pathology from my surgery in March which he started to go through ....."Negative, negative, negative ....".  He looked up at me and quietly said, "All the test results indicate that you are in remission. And so with your last test results there is no cancer and no need for any drugs."   I was stunned!  He had said REMISSION! I am in remission!  God is good!  From my understanding the cancer morphing into a triple negative cancer was actually a good thing.

So here I am in remission and drug free!  It is better that I could have wished for.  Life is good! God is good! My cup runneth over with gratitude! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

May all glory go to God!   I am in his hands and once again he has delivered me.