Courage ... Patience .... Perseverance

The beauty and warmth of summer is all around and I have been very much enjoying pulling weeds out of my garden.  Even if it is just one weed at a time. :) 

It has taken some thoughtful consideration but I have accepted that I have weeks of chemo before me.  This Wednesday will be the start of week 15 and the start of round 2 of this cycle.  I have come to the conclusion that God is teaching me patience. The good news is that I should be done in time for Christmas. 

"But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, ...

Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; 

and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: 

when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee."

Isaiah 43: 1 and 2

I have nothing to fear.  God has called my name and I am his.  Even though I am going through chemo (or walking through fire), I shall not be burned.

Everywhere I go people are telling me how amazing I look.  All I can say is that my healthy glow is God's doing.  My hair is starting to return and I jokingly tell others that I am becoming a 'regular hippy'! :) 

I continue working with my very sweet homeopath who is helping to minimize the chemo side effects. I continue to do my best in trying to eat the best quality food that I can. I continue to take my doctors advice. And I continue to pray.  

All is well.  God is in control! :) 

Icing on the Cake ....

God is LOVE! and the director of my life! Love trumps anything evil.  He is in charge of my life journey.  I have accepted that he has plans for me... plans to give me a future and hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

I am so HAPPY to have the use of my left arm back.  I missed it while it was healing.  Not being able to type was hard on me.  The good news is that it is healing wonderfully and I already have a huge range of motion.  God is AMAZING! :)

Yesterday, my husband and I met with my medical oncologist to find out what my new treatment plan entails.

1.  PET scan from June is CLEAN!!!
2. Chemo continues for 18 weeks.
3.  Radiation therapy will follow the chemo
4.  Another PET scan will happen in probably 3 months

The pathology report from the second surgery on July 4 indicates that there is still 'minimal' cancer remaining in my left arm.  Apparently, chemo and then radiation are the best options for now. And his plan is to kill it.  I like that ... kill the cancer!!

I am not getting off easy.  18 weeks ... or 4.5 months ...  or 6 rounds .... no matter how I say it ... it is sounding like a long time. Right now, I am feeling pretty good so entering the realm of chemo side effects is not something that I really want to do.   Handing my trepidation over the God is the only way that I am going to get through this.  Someday I am sure that I will be able to look back on this next stage as 'icing' on the cancer experience.

This chemo is different that the chemo that I had in 2011.  The worst of the side effect are blisters on my feet because I love to go walking.  Blisters do not allow me to do that ... so I am following all the precautions and praying that I will be able to continue my walks. And I will have to remember to remind myself to eat and drink.  All will be good.   I am in God's hands.  He will get me through this next stage of my life's journey.

Anyone want to go for a walk? :)

God bless you all!

Stories of Strength

Thirty years ago my sister-in-laws mom was told that her cancer was so bad that there was no hope.  She switched doctors (and provinces) and found a doctor that would do surgery and treat her cancer.  Her desire to live came from her young family that she refused to leave.  Thirty years later she is still enjoying life!  Over that past couple of weeks, through Devine intervention (I am sure) I keep hearing stories of strength and victory.  Stories that I needed to hear so that I could put away the negative that I had been told and focus on the positive.  

For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him. 2 Chronicles 6:19

God is looking for ways to protect and help his children 24/7 every day.

My medical oncologist has assured me that whatever medical intervention I need, he will ensure that I have it.  Whew! He still believes that surgery will help me and that there are options for my treatment. Praise the Lord! :) 

Daily, I am praying that God restores my health as I look at a photo of myself on my wedding day. I am also visualizing God destroying the cancer in my body.  It is with God's help that I will walk away from cancer. Each morning when I wake, I pray and celebrate the fact that I have another day to spend with my boys and husband.  

I have been praying that God will put the right people in my path so that will help me on this journey.  Last week, I met with a Christian homeopath who was told 20 years ago this summer that she had breast cancer and had 1 year to live.  Twenty years later she continues to do God's work by helping many people get healthy.  With my medical oncologist permission, I now have her on my team and am following her advice as how to regain my health.  

Yes, I am human and there are moments when fear grips me.  Things like not seeing my own children grown up, graduate, go to university, get married and have children make me very sad.  In these moments, I pray and remind God that I have asked Him to restore my health.  (Actually, I think this is to remind me that God is on my side.) It works and the fear leaves.


The PET scan was done on Monday and I am waiting to hear the results. This Thursday, July 4, I am scheduled to have more surgery to remove the cancer that was left behind with the May 16 surgery.  My father-in-law told me today that he is praying that they do not find any cancer.  I have to admit that being told there was 'no cancer found' would make me very very happy.

I am keeping busy and even made the news.  With a cap on my bald head and much support from my friends and co-workers, I participated in the Canadian Cancer 'Relay for Life' which is an annual event to raise funds for cancer research.  I only was there for a couple hours.  The rest walked ALL night! One way or another cancer will be done!  

Please, continue to pray and send me your words of strength.  

May God bless us all in more ways than we can even imagine.  Amen! :) 

Really?!?

What a day!! Ugh!  I met with a radiation oncologist who told me that it was time I started learning how to "live with cancer".  I was following the instructions from my oncologist to meet with her to find out if I was a suitable candidate for radiation.   So all I was there to learn was that if she thought radiation was a good idea or not. She proceeded to dump on me what her prognosis of what my situation was ... it was basically time to through in the towel ... game over ... 6 months worst case scenario or in the best case scenario she had seen patients live 10 to 12 years. The cancer metastasized and had to be somewhere else. It was just a matter of time.  I really did not appreciate being told that I needed to see a psychologist to 'learn how to die'.

All I could think was '6 months' who is she kidding? She proceeded to tell me that it was time to stop my treatment plan ... So no radiation, no more surgery, perhaps there were drugs that I would continue taking ..... Her 'you need to learn to live with cancer' theory is unacceptable to me. I kept on thinking what does my own oncologist have to say about this! I was a messy puddle of tears by the time she was done with her graphic explanation of what my short future held.

Perhaps one good thing came out of this.  She is sending me for a PET scan. So my CT scan for tomorrow is cancelled and I am being booked for a PET scan in late June 2013.  I feel that the results will surprise the socks of this doctor!

Tonight I am feeling jittery and yet praying for a clean PET scan and praising God for life .... I trust that no matter what, God is in control.  I just wish that it was not such a roller coaster ride.

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you."

Friday, June 14, 2013 Update:

Meeting with my medical oncologist on Monday, June 17, 2013.

PET scan is booked for June 24, 2013.
If the PET scan is clean, surgery will happen on July 4, 2013. (Independence Day from cancer for ME!)

I have decided that I just need to forget what the radiation oncologist said to me.  Her words just bring panic, fear and more negative thoughts which are just the opposite of what God wants for anyone.

I am still trusting in God and have total faith that He is in control.  When I walk away from this free of cancer, it will be an act of God! Praise the Lord! God is good!

Shattered Reality .....

After a few days, I am finally able to get my head around the events of last Wednesday.  

First, I met with my surgeon who informed me that the surgery was not a success.  There were clear indications in the pathology report that the cancer had spread and that it was still alive and well in my system.  He also told me that I would probably need more surgery and that would be decided by a more experienced cancer surgeon.  

Next, I went to see my oncologist who told me that the pathology report indicated that the chemo regime I had been on was not working.  He wants me to have another CT scan to ensure the cancer has not travelled to other parts of my body in the last two months.  Ugh!!   He was changing the drugs and I was to go straight from his office to meet another surgeon who would decide what to do with me.  

I literally ran from the Tom Baker Cancer Centre to the Women Health Clinic to meet with the new surgeon.  After consulting with me and reviewing my health history and pathology reports, he decided that he would proceed with very aggressive surgery.  I told him, "Let's get on it.  Sooner is better." 

I then had to run back to the Tom Baker to the pharmacy to meet with the pharmacist and get my giant bag of pills that I was to start taking.

These events left me feeling shattered.  Things had gone from being OK to panic mode in one afternoon just because of a single pathology report.

Again, I am clinging to God's promises and praying that God takes over my health issues and that He takes the cancer from my body. 

I am, once again, in fighting mode.  Get on with the surgery.  I so want this whole experience to be done and over with.

"... let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us ..." Hebrews 12:1

Vision ....

Surgery on May 16, 2013 was a success.  My happy surgeon came into the room with a grin from ear to ear and said that he was able to remove all of the cancer.  The plastic surgeon then used a piece of my back to patch the hole.  Four days later, I am sore but not that bad.  I also noticed yesterday the the bruising was fading.  I really do not understand why they put a drain tube in the middle of my back and then told me to take care of it.  What do people do when they have no family at home?

A message on my phone when I got home from the hospital told me that I will be seeing the oncologist on Wednesday, May 22, 2013 and that chemo is booked for May 23.  Ugh! I was really hoping for more time to heal but I will go with the advice of the experts and do what they say.

These few days of quiet and sleep have given me time to think about my future and dream about life being normal again.  I have found it difficult not to get frustrated by all the things that I can not do.  However, I have come to realize that it is very important for me to have a vision and hope for the future and to ask for God's guidance and blessing in all that I do.

Where there is no vision the people perish.  Proverbs 29:18

I am loved.  I am valued.  I have hope! I am going to be free of cancer.  I look forward to small things ... having hair, being able to clean my bathroom, getting organized, going to church, gardening, visiting with friends, being cancer free ... just normal things.

I am so thankful for and blessed by those around me. Joy who spent the day at the hospital with me and then gave me a ride home, my mom who came to change my dressings and shower me, my family who help me with my drain tube and put up with my tears, and those who call or text to ask how I am doing.

Life is full.  Live it well! :)  May God bless you all!

Watermelon! and Surgery Booked

Yes ... watermelon is the one food that I am liking with my new chemo.  Force feeding myself has seemingly become a way of life for me.  I need to eat and I need my blood counts up .. so open my mouth and EAT ... slowly and not a lot but I eat.  (The chemo does seem to be working but I still don't enjoy it.) My boys are not very happy because my loss of appetite has a direct correlation on how much I am currently enjoying cooking. Good thing that they are old enough to fend for themselves.  Last week I walked through Costco, bald and beautiful with sunglasses mounted on top of my head.  I received some strange looks but I do not care.  It was hot and I was going for comfort.  The first time I went through chemo, I spent a lot of time hiding my 'baldness' so this lack of concern is a new thing and it feels good! :)

Thursday, May 2, or day 8, I had treatment #4 ... a Gencitabine and Herseptin combo.  The good news is that I actually think my tumour has shrunk and that this treatment did not leave me running to the bathroom.    The Nulasta prescription to get my white blood counts up  was given on day 2.  So ten days later I still feel my legs aching.  I continue my daily walks and do my best to choose food that has optimal nutrition ... which includes WATERMELON!

I saw my surgeon Monday morning and surgery has been tentatively booked for Thursday, May 16, 2013.  He will cut out the tumour(s) and any flesh that looks questionable.  A plastic surgeon will then attempt to put my arm back together.
 I have told the plastic surgeon not to do such a good job that I can not feel anything that tries to grow back.

The warm weather has arrived and the leaves are attempting to emerge. Life is Good!  My current prayer is that these cancer treatments will get the last of the cancer from my body and that I will have another 40 years to enjoy life!

For with God nothing is impossible.  Luke 1:37