Free Will

Summer has come and gone. Early winter weather visited and now we are back to autumn for hopefully a few weeks of reprieve. I had such a wonderful summer with weddings, travel, friends, family, gardening and personal development. My life is filled with so many blessings!

"...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." Psalm 30:5b  I certainly have found much joy in my life after cancer.

'Moon Set' taken Sept 25, 2018 approx. 8:00 am

My summer personal development included working with a nutritionist and personal trainer.   My motivation was to get rid off a few pounds and to feel healthier. I experienced success in these endeavors. 

The prosthetic training continues. A few delays occurred because my original elbow  was defective. After three mechanical failures it has been replaced with a brand new one which seems to be working well.  However, this has delayed my training because with every malfunction I  was without a working elbow for ten days while I waited for a substitute elbow. When I did have a working elbow again it was almost like learning from square one.   Now with the new replacement, as of last Wednesday, things should go at full speed ahead. The longer training sessions that I started with seemed to wake up the phantom pain to the point that I was avoiding my training exercises. With my occupational therapists permission, I now am training three times a day in 5 - 10 minute intervals.  I also continue with the mirror therapy as it is the only tool that I have found to effectively relieve phantom pain.

God has bestowed on each human the gift of free will. We choose.

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve on another humbly in love." Galatians 5:13

I choose to continue prosthetic training and I choose to do my best to be healthy by my eating choices, walking and working out so that I can be here for my family, friends and anyone else who crosses my path.

We decide everything from our next act to whom we will worship. We are either with God or against Him.

The many disasters in our world remind us daily that Satan walks back and forth on the earth causing all kind of destruction and trouble. We choose whom we will call upon for safety.

We can choose eternal life.  It is our choice. The time is short so do not delay. Pray and tell God your choice is for Him.

Happy Happy Anniversary to Me!

I love this time of year! The flowers and birds and green growing all around reminds me of the joy and beauty that life can hold.

June 10, 2018 marked my 5 year anniversary of being told, "You have 6 months".  Perhaps this is something  some may prefer to forget. On the exact date of this anniversary, about one week ago,  I was honored to be speaking to a church congregation telling them how much God loves each one of us.  Five years ago, the statement predicting my imminent demise really bothered me.  Now I can wear it as a badge or an inspiration for others because it is God who decides how long we will live (Psalms 139:16) which no one can over rule.

A couple verses from Corinthians really speaks to me about this experience.

2 Corinthians 1:9-10 (NIV) "Indeed, we had received the sentence of death.  But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such deadly peril, and He will deliver us again.  On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us."

I honestly can say that my journey happened so that I would learn to put my whole trust and faith in God. I will continue telling others and praising the Lord for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me.

I continue on with my prosthetic training. My latest project is to open and close my hand as many times as I can for half a hour 2 - 3 times a day.  This apparently will train my brain in the operation of the arm/hand.  Below is a really short clip of my hand opening and closing.  My left hand now proudly wears a 'rubber glove' which makes it look more like an actual hand. My elbow has gone in for repairs twice but I persevere.  I love having having my prosthetic and wear it from the time I get out of the shower in the morning until I go to bed at night.  At night it is plugged in to charge up just like my cell phone.  :)

Abundantly Above

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory in the church by Jesus Christ to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21 NKJV

Do you see that? God can answer our prayers exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or even think.  I am truly in awe because the gift of an electronic arm/hand prosthetic is abundantly above what I could ask or even think of.  I could not pray for something like this because it felt wrong to ask for so much and yet I have it. I honestly, had no idea that the excessive expense of a prosthetic could get in the  way for amputees. Basically I had insurance coverage that I had no prior knowledge of, so I paid nothing. All I can say is 'Praise the Lord'! God is so good to me.

It arrived about three weeks ago and today was named Robie (with a long o sound) with the middle name Soundie.  The names were picked by a children's Sabbath School class that I am a part of each week.  They had fun brainstorming names and today a name was picked. :)

In the time that I have had it I have found it to be an amazing tool.  I am still mastering it and it does not always do what I want it to but I can pick up a cup, hold down the shift key on the computer, hold down paper so I can write on it, carry a shopping bag, open the fridge, entertain children and the list goes on.  It has also been an interesting distraction from phantom pain.  My left arm mimics the position and movement of the prosthetic which helps in the pain department.  It also helps balance my upper body so that I am not so lopsided.

I have also been blessed with an occupational therapist and rehab physiotherapist that I am working with as I master the skills needed to operate my new arm/hand.  There was talk  of sending me to Edmonton (about a 3 hour drive) but these keen and kind young women were happy to help me in Calgary.  I am their second upper limb amputee patient.

This brings to mind Romans 8:28, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

May all our prayers be answered abundantly above what we ask or can even think. Amen. 

January Blessings and Prosthetic Education

 My January goals continue. My current focus is getting ready for my prosthetic arm/hand and to increases my stamina and energy so that I can eventually successfully return to work.


Things are coming together. My twice a week muscle training is paying off and the date for life with a prosthetic has been set for February 1, 2018.  Then I begin the work of the actual learning to use the hand and arm. I have been told that I will need one month of full-time training to get the hang of it.  I am also being referred to an occupational therapist to learn how to get dressed with the prosthetic.

Here a few snapshots from my time spent at muscle training:

Myoboy Traning Tool

The Myoboy training tool  is used for measuring muscle strength and what I was first introduced to. The coloured lights measure the amount of signal that my muscle is sending.







The electrode in the picture is placed on my back and once it is in place, I get to practice flexing that unique muscle. A sensor is placed on my back and another on my pectoral muscle on my front.

Temporarily placed electrode for muscle training

Below is a picture of the computer game that I play.  The object of the game is to drive a car and jump through gates without crashing.  Next week, I will focus on driving two cars, one for each electrode that I am hooked to.

Game for muscle training

 And finally! My new prosthetic  is coming together.  The electrodes are now implanted into the shoulder and this is what I wore for training this week.

My new shoulder and arm coming together

A prosthetic is actually a combination of both art and science that I see as a blessing for me.  Oh, just to have a useful left appendage. 

One of my doctors told me on Friday that I need to start giving myself credit for everything that I have accomplished so far.  Perhaps, it was her way of telling me to remember how far I have come.  I do maintain that it is not me but my faith in God that has gotten me this far.  The journey is not over but I am hopeful.  Today, I will pause and think about what has been accomplished and thank the Lord for being with me on this journey.

Hebrews13:5 "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you."

I hope you all have a safe and blessed week.  I better go work on the increased energy part of my goals now. :) 

2018 Here I Come!

Goodbye drugs! Hello to a clearer mind and hello to my prosthetic arm.

I admit that besides chemotherapy, I do not have a lot of experience with drugs. Since, the amputation and the addition of phantom pain, it has been a different story. The main issue is that the last memories my brain has of my left arm is the pain experienced during surgery. That's correct, I was unconscious but my brain recalls exactly what happen to the point that I can actually articulate what my left arm experienced up to the actual amputation. And now without feedback to my brain that my left hand and arm are ok, my brain sends out pain signals telling me that there is a major problem with my left extremity.  The first way to control the 'phantom pain' is with drugs.

In June, I was told by my rehab doctor to 'get off the opioids, now'! And I was ok with it.  Mind you I did have withdrawal symptoms, however, with my goal being health, I persevered.  Then I was left with gabapentin which I began to drop and drop some more until I was just taking 1/5 of the prescribed dose.  I still was experiencing unfathomable fatigue and what I would call early onset dementia as I was forgetting things like my postal code and phone number. The light in this tunnel was that my referral to the chronic pain clinic came through and so I have been working with all kinds of rehab people as well as a physiotherapist on my own. It was a couple weeks before Christmas that I was switched from the gabapentin to Lyrica in hopes to help relieve my fatigue while still getting pain control.  And that is where four days before Christmas, I found myself in a mall parking lot bawling my eyes out. I had been warned that it could be mood altering (more in the sense of ... 'if you feel like murdering someone' kind of thoughts) however, I was not expecting the total wave of emotional darkness that came over me in the form of sadness with this new drug. The next day, I was sitting in church (and yes, I had been praying and asking God what I should do) when clear as a bell I knew  that I had to stop taking the drugs, if I wanted to be well, I had to stop taking the drugs.  So that is the new plan: NO drugs! Yes, there is pain but at least there is now hope that my head will be screwed on straight.  Praise, the Lord that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. 

2018 will be work for me.  I attend many medical appointments at the chronic pain centre, appointments for rehab/prosthetics and follow-up appointments with my cancer specialists. In January I am booked for a CT scan where they are checking for more cancer.  I have been wearing a weighted left shoulder to get used to weight on my left side again and I also start muscle training for my new left arm.  The plan is that I will have the new left arm by the end of January! And yes, I promise to keep my blog updated.

2017 I am so done with you! And I welcome 2018 with much anticipation and hope!  May God continue to protect each one of us and guide our steps. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. Thank you everyone for your continued prayers and kind words of support.  Blessings to you all!

Life Goes On

I am now a one handed typist who is very happy to be alive. I apologize for being offline for so long. My procrastination is a result of my last surgery  however I now have decided to focus on what I can do rather than my challenges and so I will start small by updating my blog.

The irony in this is that my last entry (February 2017) which was entitled "Stand Strong" was aimed at someone who I thought needed encouragement.  However, looking back it was not long after penning that blog it was I who needed the encouragement. Once again cancer returned with a vengeance and the only option that ended with me being alive was to have my left arm and part of my shoulder removed.  Upon my approval surgery went ahead. That was 6 months ago.

I now face life with one arm.  There are struggles:  phantom pain, relearning basic activities like getting dressed, regaining my balance, driving, drug side effects, and exhaustion.  But my joy in being alive outweighs any struggle that I have come across! God is good and has sustained me.  I pray every day that God give me the strength to get done what I need to get done and the wisdom to know what is really important. 

I have started telling my story to anyone who will listen and so have been speaking to church groups.  I have a compelling desire to tell everyone how much God loves each one of us and that our relationship with Him is such an important part of our existence. My life advice that I share with my audiences  is 'get closer to God'.  Three ways to do this are to pray, to read the Bible and to invite the Holy Spirit to live within us.  I think that a turning point in my journey was when I started asking God to fill me with the Holy Spirit.  Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. These personal qualities describe true happiness to me. Peace with my life journey was what I really needed (honestly I probably needed some of everything). But peace allowed me to accept my life as it is.

My doctors marvel at how well I am doing and I tell them, "God is good".  I plan to continue to live my life and find things that I enjoy and that I can still do. :)  

I did have an interesting summer which was highlight by a road trip with my youngest son down to California where he is going to university.  There is nothing like driving 1000+ miles in a Honda Civic with no air conditioning in the summer heat to create an unforgettable experience.  I will probably always look back at this memory and smile.

My next big adventure will probably be getting my prosthetic arm and figuring out how to use it. :)

All is well! May God's blessing pour onto all of us. Amen. <3

Stand Strong

Good morning, I am up writing this at exactly 7 am on February 2, 2017 because I need to tell you how much  God loves you!!

He loves and cares for you, your family and friends.  Just as the Hubble telescope now has shown scientist that there are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on the earth, God's love for us is infinite. The problem with our world is that we live in a world where the devil runs about creating as much destruction, pain and death as possible.  Cancer is certainly one of the devil's tools. No matter what we are going through there is nothing too big for God. 

If you are one of those people who the devil has attacked, take heart, you are not alone. There is no need to be embarrassed or ashamed or think that you have done anything wrong.  I also encourage everyone to ask for God's help.  He is here waiting for us to ask.  The devil simply seems to attack whoever he wants in order to destroy us and our families.

Even if death is the only answer, I can say ..."Though He slay me, I will trust in Him." Job 13:15

I would advise anyone to not play into the devil's hand.  For me personally if the devil wants me dead, I am going to fight.  The devil has not given me an easy time here on earth and so I am not going to make anything for him easy either. I pledge to do as much good as I can for as long as I can.

No matter what happens God has a plan for our salvation.  This plan that has been playing out for centuries.  The main element of this plan is that Christ, God's son, has come to this earth, lived a perfect life, died a painful humiliating death and has risen. 

"For God so love the world that He gave his only begotten Son. That whosoever believes in Him will not parish but have have everlasting life." John 3:16

"He is not here, He has risen ..." Matt 28:6

"I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am." John 14:3

 Christ's is very alive and His role on earth was for each one of us! We here on earth have not been left alone ...

 "But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14: 26-27

God is coming back and for those of us that are left here ask God to send the Holy Spirit daily,  put on the armor of God and stand strong. 

 ^"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:10-13

Stand strong!